Family or yourself?

Yeppppp. It's the march holidays now and I'm sick for 3 days.. whuuuuuuuuuut. Holiday assignments are almost done expect for the e-learning part haha. I hate doing work online. Who's with me? Becuz I end up blogging, watching movies.

I won't be blogging about what I'm doing during the hols becuz I'm kind of grounded since my results were horrendous. Ohh! I will be blogging about my Chingay Appreciation night soon like maybe in a day's time. Stay tuned!

Rants(you can stop reading)

Anyway, regarding the title 'family or yourself?' Yes I always chose family. Always. My close friend's definitely know that family is forever my first priority. I love them more than anything else in the world. I would choose to be with them in the worst environment rather than being in the best environment without them.

But what happens when it concerns your future? Do I still care about their opinions and follow what they say or want? Or should I go against them to pursue what I really want? It's really hard. Especially when I love both (family & what I'm going to pursue) but am forced to choose between the 2.

I went to do the ecareer stuff online with Lyra's help. While looking for the choices, I saw LASALLE Arts College. I told Lyra 'Lyraaaaaaa, Lasalle.' And she said 'go for what you want Chanel.'

I had the career talk last week. Went for the psychology talk since I'm interested in it. After that, there's this exhibition in the hall or something and I saw NAFA's booth. Though I'm not aiming for NAFA, but I immediately thought of Lasalle. (For those who still doesn't know what I want to pursue ; performing arts.) And remembered that I went to Lasalle in 2010 to perform for a school performance. I still remember how I told Nat 'I want to go Lasalle.' 

A picture of my dream college. Credits to Nat.

I kept on thinking. Lasalle? Or JC that my family really wants. It's easy to say 'fight for what you really wants'. But when the time comes, it's not only about you. It concerns the people around you. Do you want to see the people around you happy? Or do you want yourself to be happy? Of course it's best to have both. So to those people whose parents support you in whatever you do, you're so lucky.

I honestly thought I fully gave up performing arts, since some incidents happened on 2010. Since then, I threw the thought of pursuing arts, and focus more on studies and had the mindset of JC>UNI like what my parents wants. Its tough at first trying to drop the idea of going to an arts school especially when one of my best friend is in Lasalle. I'm jealous of her, but at least she fought for it and I didn't. For the past 1 year, I seldom talked about Lasalle to my friends. All I told them was, I want to study psychology which is what I'm interested in. Yes though I'm interested in it, I don't have the passion for it.

I took up ballet, chinese dance, modern dance, piano, chinese ochestra and TaeKwonDo in primary school. And only ballet, chinese dance and modern dance last me throughout the 6 years. Then I had lyrical dance, jazz, hip hop and modern dance in Sec 1. Something happened along the way so i dropped it. I danced for my whole 7 years. There were of course countless of obstacles I had with my parents, even in primary school becuz they didn't wanted me to be so committed. But I fought for it and continued. 

I was supposed to go SOTA (School Of The Arts) after PSLE. But was stopped. Then I told myself in Sec1, to aim for Lasalle after O's. But it seemed impossible now. Perhaps, it's fated for me not to be in performing arts since there were countless setbacks throughout.(if you know me well, you would have known what I went through in primary school, and secondary)

Cirque Du Soleil.

Contortionist. My favourite. Yes they are humans.

I'm sure my close friends will know I love Cirque Du Soleil.

They're awesome aren't they? I can't explain and show how much I love them. Really. They are my motivation. They did these moves that I'm pretty sure many people would be like 'that's impossible' but hey, they did it.

They came to Singapore last year and I didn't manage to go. I hope to go this year. 

Anyway, my point is, they fought for what they want. Some of them are only like 8? And they're already working towards their dream. What am I doing now...?

People say go to Lasalle after you finish your studies. But, how many times have I pushed it back already? Everytime I pushed I delay this, my dream drift a lil further from me. Nothing's worst than having regrets when you knew you had a choice before. And I had one ; not showing how much i wanted to take up gymnastic in primary school. I don't want that to happen again, at the same time, I doubt I can fight for it now. Especially when it will hurt my family. 

I always told my friends that the most important thing when you're living is to smile and be happy. You don't live for the sake of others and sacrifice yourself.

You see the irony? Someone please enlighten me.